I know there are people out there who love movies more than I do; I just haven't met any of those people yet. Movies are my thing. I love NBA basketball, but it's my entertainment. Movies are my blood. Every single thing in my life revolves around the artistic medium known as cinema. There was a long period of my life where I tried to escape this, but after years of therapy and reflection, it's just not possible. Movies are who I am.
I've made dozens of short films, hundreds of commercials, a few documentaries, and a few feature films. Every feature film I've directed or produced was financed by the filmmaker's bank account (usually mine). No one is more sympathetic to how difficult it is to actually make a movie. The best idea, best talent, best equipment, and best intentions can still lead to a movie that isn't for me. The best movie I've personally made has a 69% on Rotten Tomatoes. Most of the people on this planet are firmly NOT in the audience of my feature film debut, EAT.
A movie that isn't for me does not mean the people who made it are bad or that it was a waste of time or even that the movie was bad. It just means I wasn't part of its intended audience. Understanding why movies don't work for you is just as important as understanding why movies do work for you. It's an incredibly personal experience and something I like to journal about.
Whenever I see a movie that isn't for me, words come to me a lot easier than movies I find passable or good. Every once in a while, I see such an amazing movie that I can write an entire essay about it. I will try to do more of those positive reviews than reviews of movies I didn't enjoy. But if a movie drives me crazy and I have no idea why it has an audience, I'm likely going to write about it.
If, for some reason, you happened to make the movie I am reviewing, please understand that you are a working filmmaker and, unless I win the Powerball, I am not. You have defeated me, and because you made a movie, you won. Be proud of yourself! But please don't send me a message with quotes from my review, explaining why I am wrong. This has happened to me before, and it scared me away from writing about movies I have seen and loved.
This is my safe place where I can discuss which movie audiences I fit snugly into and which movies simply weren't for me. Enjoy!
I use these movie reviews as writing exercises to keep up my skills. It's very easy to program a bot that can write things that sound pretty lifelike. That's not what this is. I write the reviews and then give them to a custom Review Bot that proofreads and fixes any glaring grammatical errors, but leaves everything else as is. Warts and all.